my world is a world full of ...
sucking up and brown-nosing.
people constantly trying to outdo each other.
doing things i don't enjoy to get ahead.
at least ten years of shit work.
no guarantees for years of working hard.
fuck it.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
good shopper
Pretty New Balance 902's. Half the price of a pair of 903's, so why not?
I bought way too much running gear too, including this one, but they should motivate me to get back to my running PR.
Imagine that in black. Bummer, though: A simple websearch reveals that WESC is big among indie Swedes, so I might see people wearing the same thing in Oslo. So much for wanting to dress different.
Insanely comfortable. I should know, I'm wearing it now :)Monday, July 7, 2008
bad shopper
Some days, I feel like the universe is against me.
I know it's silly to complain about shopping of all things, but bear with me. I have this massive list of things to buy before I leave, so I've been trying to shop all weekend, but I couldn't find anything I like. I know I'm pickier than most people, but even then I can usually pick out a thing or two by the end of the day.
Don't you hate it when a product you've grown to love is taken off the shelves for good? I'm not just talking about my frustratingly futile search for the blue TDK DVD-Rs in the past month. This morning I decided to pick up more of these really comfy socks from Giordano, but alas, they've been discontinued. None of the branches stock them anymore, and they're being "redesigned" for an upcoming release "soon".
Next stop, Myer for this digital camera. Of course, it's out of stock, and the sale ends Sunday.
Rebel, Athlete's Foot and Foot Locker all failed to stock the running shoes that I want.
So, again I came home empty-handed today. Grrr.
I know it's silly to complain about shopping of all things, but bear with me. I have this massive list of things to buy before I leave, so I've been trying to shop all weekend, but I couldn't find anything I like. I know I'm pickier than most people, but even then I can usually pick out a thing or two by the end of the day.
Don't you hate it when a product you've grown to love is taken off the shelves for good? I'm not just talking about my frustratingly futile search for the blue TDK DVD-Rs in the past month. This morning I decided to pick up more of these really comfy socks from Giordano, but alas, they've been discontinued. None of the branches stock them anymore, and they're being "redesigned" for an upcoming release "soon".
Next stop, Myer for this digital camera. Of course, it's out of stock, and the sale ends Sunday.
Rebel, Athlete's Foot and Foot Locker all failed to stock the running shoes that I want.
So, again I came home empty-handed today. Grrr.
Monday, June 30, 2008
post-mortem
I’m not yet done with my long case exam (that’s on Thursday) but I already feel like doing a performance review.
I’ve had such a tumultuous week. I had been in a state of panic the week leading to my written exam on Wednesday, just scrambling to cram as much knowledge as possible to my alcohol-damaged brain. I don’t know what possessed me on Tuesday night but I tried to estimate just how well I needed to do for this paper to get my H1 (distinction) average – and it seemed pretty much impossible. I felt so lost. My whole raison d’être for this semester was to improve on my average, to get an internship in the big three metro hospitals, so I can give myself the best start possible. I really thought I could do it, and I didn’t do the proper calculations until Tuesday. But then I thought, hey, who knows, maybe I can make it after all.
Then came Wednesday – THE paper. 40% weightage. I felt so overwhelmed throughout the three hours. It’s a bloody marathon and after hour one I just lost steam. Give me more time and I could’ve reasoned properly at least ten questions and arrive at the correct answer. Of course, it didn’t help that I couldn’t sleep till 3am the night before. First word out of my mouth when it ended: “I’m just gonna go home and cry now.” Questions came up in later discussions with friends, and I got most of them wrong. I was so frustrated. I couldn’t bring myself to prep for Friday’s oral exam.
Thursday – On hindsight, maybe I was being overly dramatic on Wednesday. You know, me being my own harshest critic and all. I couldn’t have gone that badly, but I didn’t do fantastic either, and that’s why I was so angry at myself: I felt gypped that I had worked so hard over the last six months, killing off my social life (and everything else) in the process, and yet I still couldn’t improve on my performance. I was resigned to the fact that I’ll never be as smart and passionate about Medicine as the Dean’s Listers that I was trying to beat. And then I reached my zen. I was über-calm, very uncharacteristic on the night before an exam…
…but I think it helped my performance on Friday. The exam was rotating stations of ten minutes with each patient, and I had to take a history (or do an examination) and answer some questions. I walked in, confident that I knew what I needed to know, and that was enough. I beat myself up for the things I didn’t say in the first five minutes after the exam, but after that I was fine, I knew I didn’t screw up. Everyone is bound to miss out on things in that artificial, pressurised exam scenario. Did I just lower my standards? Or was I being more realistic? I’m a happier person for it, so does the answer really matter?
Over many beers later, my mates and I began to lament about why we put ourselves in this situation, in medical school. Many of us had been stellar in high school, but finding that you’re mediocre in a sea of smart people is a tough pill to swallow. It doesn’t help that our Type-A personalities (that brought us here in the first place) refuses to acknowledge that. We all end up overstressed, it’s no wonder the suicide rate is so high in our profession.
I probably won’t beat some people in the game of marks and grades. I really thought I could (was I delusional? I really thought I was that smart) and I kicked myself for not realising this earlier. I could’ve had a more enjoyable semester, without sacrificing my other activities so much. But maybe I needed to go through all this to learn my lesson. I need to play a different game to get ahead, and it’s nice to know I’ve been doing that all along: with my research papers, my conferences, my exchange semesters, and of course, generally being sycophantic around senior registrars and consultants. I will have to work that much harder because I don’t have the entire arsenal, but the fire of possibility keeps me going, the possibility that one day I can reach the top. As long as I can find smarter ways of getting ahead every day, I reckon I will be fine.
I’ve had such a tumultuous week. I had been in a state of panic the week leading to my written exam on Wednesday, just scrambling to cram as much knowledge as possible to my alcohol-damaged brain. I don’t know what possessed me on Tuesday night but I tried to estimate just how well I needed to do for this paper to get my H1 (distinction) average – and it seemed pretty much impossible. I felt so lost. My whole raison d’être for this semester was to improve on my average, to get an internship in the big three metro hospitals, so I can give myself the best start possible. I really thought I could do it, and I didn’t do the proper calculations until Tuesday. But then I thought, hey, who knows, maybe I can make it after all.
Then came Wednesday – THE paper. 40% weightage. I felt so overwhelmed throughout the three hours. It’s a bloody marathon and after hour one I just lost steam. Give me more time and I could’ve reasoned properly at least ten questions and arrive at the correct answer. Of course, it didn’t help that I couldn’t sleep till 3am the night before. First word out of my mouth when it ended: “I’m just gonna go home and cry now.” Questions came up in later discussions with friends, and I got most of them wrong. I was so frustrated. I couldn’t bring myself to prep for Friday’s oral exam.
Thursday – On hindsight, maybe I was being overly dramatic on Wednesday. You know, me being my own harshest critic and all. I couldn’t have gone that badly, but I didn’t do fantastic either, and that’s why I was so angry at myself: I felt gypped that I had worked so hard over the last six months, killing off my social life (and everything else) in the process, and yet I still couldn’t improve on my performance. I was resigned to the fact that I’ll never be as smart and passionate about Medicine as the Dean’s Listers that I was trying to beat. And then I reached my zen. I was über-calm, very uncharacteristic on the night before an exam…
…but I think it helped my performance on Friday. The exam was rotating stations of ten minutes with each patient, and I had to take a history (or do an examination) and answer some questions. I walked in, confident that I knew what I needed to know, and that was enough. I beat myself up for the things I didn’t say in the first five minutes after the exam, but after that I was fine, I knew I didn’t screw up. Everyone is bound to miss out on things in that artificial, pressurised exam scenario. Did I just lower my standards? Or was I being more realistic? I’m a happier person for it, so does the answer really matter?
Over many beers later, my mates and I began to lament about why we put ourselves in this situation, in medical school. Many of us had been stellar in high school, but finding that you’re mediocre in a sea of smart people is a tough pill to swallow. It doesn’t help that our Type-A personalities (that brought us here in the first place) refuses to acknowledge that. We all end up overstressed, it’s no wonder the suicide rate is so high in our profession.
I probably won’t beat some people in the game of marks and grades. I really thought I could (was I delusional? I really thought I was that smart) and I kicked myself for not realising this earlier. I could’ve had a more enjoyable semester, without sacrificing my other activities so much. But maybe I needed to go through all this to learn my lesson. I need to play a different game to get ahead, and it’s nice to know I’ve been doing that all along: with my research papers, my conferences, my exchange semesters, and of course, generally being sycophantic around senior registrars and consultants. I will have to work that much harder because I don’t have the entire arsenal, but the fire of possibility keeps me going, the possibility that one day I can reach the top. As long as I can find smarter ways of getting ahead every day, I reckon I will be fine.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
the savages
While exams render me temporarily unable to craft intelligent posts (I know what you're gonna say - which intelligent posts? Bitch.), I thought I'd share more images for the time being. Here's my favourite movie poster from 2007. Excellent movie, too - definitely within my top 5 of the year. Heck, let's do a list:Top 5 movies of 2007:
1. No Country for Old Men
2. Lars and the Real Girl
3. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
4. Atonement
5. The Savages
Monday, June 23, 2008
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