choose life?

I've clearly lost what it means to be a living, breathing human being.

I came to this realisation tonight, on my study break night, while surfing the net and reading random blogs. My life has ceased to be interesting, in stark contrast to some of these bloggers who live such fascinating lives. This used to be my life one year ago, what happened? I've spent the last two months worrying about this stupid exam, isolating myself in an attempt to stay focused, but what have I got to show for it?

I should be out there, living life, experiencing life, and enjoying life for all it has to offer. I should be out there trying new things and meeting new people, instead of repeatedly poring over the same books over and over again, in an attempt to commit things to memory. I'm losing what should be the best years of my life, to overeducating myself on things that I won't recall in five years' time. All for what, a foot in the door of a brilliant career? A hundred years ago, we wouldn't have been so caught up in these tests and exams, such man-made institutions, such artificial constructs.

I used to be the one who says, "you only live once, so you should try everything once." That version of me never searched for the meaning of life, for he already knew: that life is meant to be lived, not wasted. I've clearly lost sight of that person, and I need to bring him back.