I think these 15-minute freakouts are getting more and more commonplace as I get closer to my exams. I'd overthink the things that went wrong today, then tell myself "I can't do this", and have a minor breakdown. [/dramatic] Blame the perfectionist in me, but I feel the need to know the answer to every question, to be most polished in every presentation. Who wants to settle for mediocrity?
I just wish sometimes my knowledge flows more naturally, as if it's second nature. I wish I can rationally reason my way out of questions, instead of just standing there, mouth gaping, and pissing my pants. I hate futilely trying to recall facts I read just the week before, from hundreds and hundreds of lists of causes, risk factors, differentials, precipitants, symptoms, signs, investigations, treatments, complications, ... and failing miserably. It's all about knowing your stuff, or at least faking it, and I'm no good at either.
As much as I hate that perfectionist in me that always makes me feel inadequate about myself, I do know it's also the driving force that pushes me to be a better doctor.
Can't live with it, can't live without it.
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